Today is Chiawuotu and Kimberley’s second year marriage anniversary, so to mark this occasion I thought I would share an interview I conducted with them just after their first year of marriage. Some of you may have read their courtship and wedding story, if you haven’t read it please click here for their courtship story and here and here for their wedding story. In this interview they will share some experience from their first year of marriage.
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Wife’s perspective – Interview questions answered by Kimberley Anyanwu
(Click here to read Chiawuotu’s answers)
First of all, Happy Anniversary, and thank you for taking the time to answer these questions.
I guess I’ll start with the question you probably get asked all the time, how are you finding married life?
Married life is refreshing! I see God’s love for me daily - revealed
in Chiawuotu’s friendship. I cannot find words to say how I appreciate
having such a close friend and counselor to face life’s changing circumstances with.
It’s a joy to tackle problems together and also be able to share
in each other’s victories. We have been
through so many changing circumstances already and I look back on our wedding
day and realise how much closer and stronger our bond and our love is now and
how deep it has grown. I feel at rest. I can lean on him for encouragement,
leading, advice, ideas, practical help, and a listening ear. Even just his
smile lights up my world and my whole day.
So marriage, is it all bliss?
It’s definitely all a blessing! But I’m not sure about all bliss. If
bliss means being in love then yes. But if bliss means always a constant
feeling of being elated and the absence of real down-to-earth life challenges
then no. Marriage is a school and is a lifework. I have found that learning to
be a true wife is gradual and takes practice and attention, and a few mistakes
along the way that can sometimes even be disheartening.
I’m thinking about 1 Corinthians 7: 4 where it says “There is difference also
between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the
Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married
careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”
Now a lot of people view this verse as saying that when you
get married you won’t have much time to nurture a personal relationship
with God or give service to him as you now have the added focus of a spouse.
What are your thoughts on this verse? And also how do you
keep an eye single to the glory of God and still serve each other as husband
and wife? How do you balance your time, priorities, walk with God, home and
work life around being married or newly married?
I think it’s necessary and possible to serve and love both God and my
husband “Each one should seek in every possible way to please and make
happy the members of the family circle:. Faith I Live By page 267. It is for God’s glory. It helps me be drawn
out of myself to think about another each day. This has been a blessing to me
and helps my communion with God. It is teaching me Christlikeness and revealing
selfish parts of my character which I had not noticed before. “True refinement and nobility of
soul will be seen in efforts to bless and elevate others.” Testimonies to the Church,
Volume 2 page 243. Also it’s not actually about balancing other areas of my life ‘around’ being married. But instead I am understanding more and more that they are all linked together and the
performance of each enhances all other areas of my life. And when in all my
duties my object is to glorify God then that is how I keep my eye single to his
glory while going about my daily tasks as a wife. “Enoch’s walk with God was not in a
trance or vision, but in all the duties of his daily life. He did not become a
hermit, shutting himself entirely from the world; for he had a work to do for
God in the world.” Patriarchs and Prophets page 85.
What sort of things have you learnt in marriage that
you wished you had learnt before marriage?
Most of the lessons I have learnt in marriage couldn’t have been learnt before and
there is not one lesson I can think of which I wish I had learned before.
How have your priorities and responsibility changed
since being married?
I am now a wife with a husband to love, understand,
encourage, inspire, and care for spiritually, mentally and physically… and
a home of my own to maintain and reflect Jesus in.
Ok, if we could look at
Ephesians 5: 22-29. I just want to ask you some questions about these verses.22
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore
as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands
in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26That
he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or
wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife
loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his
own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
So Kimberley, What has
submission meant for you as a wife?
I have realised much more about Christ’s submission to the Father and
how true submission is simply a result of trust and deep love. I have found
that submission is not so much about outwardly coming into line with Chiawuotu’s choices but actively seeking
his choice and then inwardly trusting. Submission to me means that I put
Chiawuotu’s wishes before my own and I trust his choices and that he is
doing the same for me. Christ thought it not robbery to be equal with God but
made himself of no reputation and took upon Him the form of a servant. Philippians
2: 6-7
What advice would you give to young men and women who
would like to know more about what submission and leadership really mean or who
may have misconceptions about what these two things entail?
I would say study the life of Christ he was both a leader and
at the same time his life was the greatest example of submission. I would
advise that while many might emphasise the importance of a wife keeping her
individuality this does not conflict with true submission. Christ is the
greatest example of this. We should guard against thinking that in true
submission to another our individuality is being taken away. Study the life of Christ.
I know that you both had your own ministerial
pursuits in addition to your joint music ministry – Advent Vision. How
have these changed, if at all, since being married?
We have our pursuits still but now since being married they
are becoming more of a living reality and more and more attainable.
Would you say that the ideals you had
before marriage have been met in your current experience of marriage?
Yes but I based my ideals of marriage on God’s word as best as I could, and
I purposefully married a man who would do the same. I think it’s when we try to meet wrong
ideals given us or when we expect false ideals (worldly ideals) from our
spouses that we find we cannot meet them or they cannot meet them. However with
the correct ideals and a reliance on God there is no reason why we shouldn’t meet them and in doing this
make home happy.
What kind of “marriage myths” have been dispelled for you?
One idea that I have been able to fully confirm as a myth is
that “courtship has better memories than the marriage itself”. While now I know by
experience that true marriage is on the contrary and just gets better and
better.
What have you learnt about communication and dealing
with conflict?
Communication is so very vital to marriage. We found that we
always need to maintain good communication daily to maintain a good united
working home and to promote thoughtfulness of each other. This has helped to
prevent conflict, but while we have never been in conflict, we have had
misunderstandings, and times when we didn’t see things the same way. On
all these occasions we have both learnt how important it is not to draw coldly
away from each other or jump to conclusions without hearing each other out. We
have learnt to be open about thoughts and feelings while being considerate of each
other’s feelings in how we express
ourselves at those times.
A lot of people speak about “The First Year of Marriage” in term of how hard it is. They say things like “it’s the make or break”, “that’s when you get to see how the
person is REALLY like” and “that’s when you realise that you may
have rushed things or made a mistake.” What are your thoughts on these idea based on your first year
of marriage? What encouragement can you offer to any newlyweds who may be
having this experience?
I would say to those newlyweds who have had a very hard or
upsetting first year that I think it is never too late to have a ‘first year of marriage’ all
over again so to speak. I think it will take much more work and much more
forgiveness to overcome some foundational problems that you may have laid for
yourselves in your first year, but if you persevere and make Christ your guide
he will take the worst mistakes and make something more beautiful come out of
them. You can have a stronger and deeper love and respect for each other than
if those early things had never happened but you both will need to be willing
to redeem the time and start at once to lay the right foundation. It will just
take a lot more work but it is necessary and you must begin at once.
What are the top 3 things you have learnt during this
first year of marriage?
These are the top 3 things I have learnt during our first
year of marriage:
A good marriage is not by chance but is from God as the
result of submission to his will and teachings in all things and this kind of
marriage is held together by the law of service.
“The gifts of Jesus are ever fresh and new. The feast
that He provides for the soul never fails to give satisfaction and joy.” Desire of Ages page 148.
Submission might be harder in reality but it is surely
sweeter in reality also.
Finally, what advice would you give to any young
newlyweds or any couple who are engaged and about to get married?
Lean not on your own understanding.
Trust in the Lord with all your HEART
God will direct, know and acknowledge His leading.
Many date their success or failure in life from their wedding
day.
All God’s biddings are enablings.
Thank you so much Mrs Anyanwu for answering these question, I pray that you have many more
happy years of serving God together as
husband and wife.
Not unto us, O Lord,
not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy,
and for thy truth's
sake.
Psalms 115:1
♥ Miss Daisy ♥
