Scattered Feathers Action Plan #7: I want to be a grave

I tweeted this statement a few weeks ago and most people thought I was being dramatic but this is honestly my desire. Being honest and trust worthy are invaluable traits of character; therefore I think it is important to not only have a reputation of being an honest and trustworthy person but to genuinely be one. So if anybody tells me something in confidence it dies with me, I am the grave, the person can rest assurance that it will never be passed on, it stops with me.

So there it is my action plan! It’s not at all an exhausted one but it’s a start. As I was writing this and reading over it I realised how much I will need God’s strength to make these plans active and real in my life. I can’t do this on my own but I know he will help me…so I’m thankful.

Feel free to comment, I want to hear your thoughts on this. Do you have an action plan? Anything I’ve missed out?

Till next time.


Love, your girl forever,

♥ Miss Daisy  ♥

Scattered Feathers Action Plan #6: Give people the right to their own privacy and just be there

I am a strong believer of people having the right to their own privacy; just because someone is your friend doesn’t mean that they are obliged to tell you everything or know everything about you. More and more I see people evaluating friendships by the amount of secrets they share, but this shouldn’t be the case. I remember when my friend Benita said to me “Daisy, I’m not your friend because of your secrets” this statement is so true and it has really changed my perception on things. Benita and I are very close friends not because we tell each other all our secrets but because of our love for Christ and the fact that we share common interests. So if, for example, Benita* is going through a tough time or is in need, I don’t need to know the ins and outs of the situation in order to support her, I just need to be there. Whether she decides to bear all or not, it doesn’t matter, I just need to be a friend and be there.

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

* Thanks B for letting me use you as an example for this one xxx

Scattered Feathers Action Plan #5: Exercise my right to say “it's none of your business”

In situations where I can sense someone is trying to get information out of me, it might be worth telling the person that the information that they are seeking for is actually “none of their business!” Sound harsh? The intention in doing this is not to be mean or spiteful but rather highlight the reality of the situation. Sometimes we need to be reminded that somethings are simply none of our business especially when our intention in knowing is to have our ears satisfied. Likewise for myself, if I am tempted to be nosy or to please my itchy ears I need to do the same and tell myself “Daisy, it’s none your business”. Regardless of who the person is don't feel under any pressure to disclose someone else's private information to them. In the nicest way possible exercise your right to say "it's none of your business"; or if you prefer to be a bit more diplomatic you could just say "What I know is private and confidential, so I'd rather not say anything".

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

Scattered Feathers Action Plan # 4: Confidential means confidential

A few months ago I was in a situation where I told my friend something and she discussed it with another friend of ours, under the assumption that I had also told the other friend. I didn’t tell that other friend and it turned out that my situation was actually common knowledge amongst the group. I love all my friends and love to share my life with them but I was very hurt by this because though we are all friends it was still a breach of privacy. However, I know that God allowed it to happen so that I could learn. I too have been in situations where I have mentioned something about another person to someone thinking that they already know (maybe because they are super close to them) and they didn’t. Also in cases where the person does know, I may have mentioned some information that they weren’t told and possibly weren’t meant to have known. So I’ve decided that if someone is telling me something, they are telling ME (not the group, not their closest friend or family member) just me. So I need to act like I am the only person in the world they have told and not assume anyone else knows; and if people do know I shouldn’t make it a topic of discussion especially when the person is not there. Everybody has a right to their own privacy, therefore confidential means CONFIDENTIAL.

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

Scattered Feathers Action Plan #3: Be an impartial listener

In cases where I need to confide in someone regarding an issue that involves another person, I should only reveal the necessary facts in order to get counsel and try not to paint the other person in a bad light. The idea behind telling someone is to get help and advice on how to best deal with the situation, so ranting and backbiting could cause more injury and potentially offer no real solution to the problem. Likewise if someone is confiding in me regarding an issue they have with someone else, I need to keep it positive and constructive, give impartial advice and try not to take sides or get involved in the situation. Less fuel equals less fire; the key is to be as objective as possible and just listen. That's it.

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

Scattered Feathers Action Plan #2: Master the art of guarding and controlling my conversations

Sophie found this brilliant definition of gossiping in the Oxford English dictionary, it defined gossiping as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people”. I was very intrigued by the phrase “casual or unconstrained conversation”. I definitely believe that all our conversations should have boundaries as I find most gossiping sessions start when someone accidentally lets “one slip” during a casual conversation. So I’ve decided that while in conversation I need to THINK, really take time to think about my words and their implications before they leave my mouth . I need to keep my conversations under control, positive, factual and edifying, and when I can see the conversation is taking a more sinister turn I should make the corrective action or simply change the subject.

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

Scattered Feathers Action Plan #1: I don’t have to tell people everything.

I have a habit of thinking that I need to tell people (friends, family etc) everything that goes on in my life (events, thoughts and feelings) but isn’t it worth keeping some things private? I am not implying here that I should keep secrets but rather be selective and simply keep certain things to myself. A bit much? Think about it. It is good to be an open person, but being someone that is constantly bearing their soul to others can be potentially dangerous as you may learn to rely too heavily on people, leaving you feeling totally defenceless when those people are not there, can’t help or disappoint. I believe keeping certain things to myself will guard me against this and will also strengthen my prayer life and relationship with God as I learn to bear all to him in prayer, making God my ultimate confidant.

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

Guess what? I can’t put scattered feathers back into a pillow case….

….But I can choose to make changes and do things differently.

So this is a continuation of my thoughts from my previous post “A children’s story may have change my life*”. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and praying about this and I’ve come to the conclusion that, I can’t control anybody’s actions but I can control my own. So I’ve decided to put together an “action plan” (those of you who know me well, know I’m always doing “action plans” for various things) highlighting things I can do to break this “spell” and no longer be a victim (to some extent) or a villain of the gossiping game.

The action plan has 7 points so rather than doing one very long post, I will post one point each day. Feel free to comment, share your thoughts and add things.

Lets grow and learn together   

♥ Miss Daisy ♥

*http://missdaisyspetals.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-childrens-story-may-have-changed-my.html

A children's story may have changed my life!

A children’s story may have changed my life! It addressed an issue that has been on my mind for a while now and really confirmed in my mind the reality of the situation. It addressed the issue of gossiping; it may seem like a trivial girly matter or a thing of the past but I believe it is still an issue that plagues and breaks down many relationships and generally something we all may struggle with. By gossiping, I don’t just mean maliciously spreading rumours about people; I believe gossiping covers the following areas;

• Discussing someone else’s private life or information
• Discussing someone else’s character
• Revealing something that has been told to you in confidence
• Passing on information about someone else that wasn’t originally told to you (true or untrue)
• Actively listening to all of the above
• Going through someone else to get information about someone’s private life which you know is none of your business

This issue is so deep that Sophie (remember her from my first post?) and I spent a whole day discussing this issue over e-mail. Our discussion was centred on trust, confidentiality, loyalty, insecurity and healthy friendships/relationships. All of this was sparked by a simple and yet deeply profound children’s story I heard at church three  months ago.

The story begins with a young girl kneeling in prayer at her bedside asking God for forgiveness for her gossiping. She was deeply sorry and recognised that this is something she needs help with but did she understand the full implications of her actions? She goes to bed and in the night God gives her a dream. In the dream God wakes her up and asks her to take her pillow and a knife from the kitchen and to meet Him at the top of her house. When she reaches the top of her house, He tells her to cut her pillow and let the wind scatter all the feathers into the night - what a beautiful sight! The wind carried the feathers everywhere: out on to the roof tops, into the trees and fields, over the river and some were carried away into the distance. Once all the feathers were scattered He says to her “now, I want you to gather up all the scattered features and put them back into your pillow and return to bed”. Puzzled the young girl replies “but that is impossible, I wont be able to find all those feathers for they have scattered so far!” “Yes” God replied “just like gossip my dear, once the words leave your mouth you no longer have control of where they ends up or of its effects, and like the feathers our words can never be fully retrieved.”

This story really spoke to me as I have been both a victim and a villain in this gossiping game. It made me realise that often we speak about other people or situations without knowing the far reaching effects that it may have. Whether done in malice or with the best intentions once a word is spoken we no longer have control of its impact.  I still have lots to share with you so meet me here soon for part two.

Love, your girl forever,

♥ Miss Daisy ♥