So my current career is in Computing and ICT. I am more passionate about other things but this is what I do at the moment to make a living. I currently work in a team of 7 in ICT Support; we are the people you contact when “something is not working!”. When I first started my job, I was in a team of 3, the 3rd person was my manager so technically I was in a team of 2 so it was just my colleague, let’s call him Samuel, and I.
**Disclaimer**
This is a character building experience/lesson that the Lord has put me through and I am not here to suggest this is something someone else should do or that this is the best thing to do. I am just sharing my own personal experience hoping that we will be able to learn more about submission and surrender. Also just to add that this is nothing to do with love or romantic relationships but simply respect and submission and there is no communication or relationship or romantic feelings outside of this context.
Sorry! Disclaimers are so awkward but have to be done, to find out what I am talking about keep reading :)
I personally find the Computing , IT and Technical industry to be a very male dominated area, and often times women can feel trampled upon and undermined in terms of knowledge and experience. I don’t believe this is every woman’s experience in this field but I have witnessed and experienced these things, so when I started this role I wasn’t surprised when me and my male colleague started to clash a little bit.
I found that he was always taking over; he used to do things like, if I was dealing with a user and was finding it difficult to resolve an IT issue, he would just completely take over and I would be pushed into the background not really knowing the steps he was taking to resolve the issue. Also if he was showing me how to do something he would often grab the mouse out of my hand and do it for me. I also found that my judgment and decisions would always be either questioned or seen as wrong. It became quite difficult to deal with because in my mind I thought if I wasn’t qualified enough or didn’t know what I was doing why would they have employed me.
After a while, I guess I started to rebel. I started to do my own thing and wouldn’t listen to his suggestions or take his help. If I did take his help, I wouldn’t do it with a sincere heart. When he would grab my mouse I would grab it back. I began to make my frustrations very clear. This obviously was not a good approach at all as we are both there to work as a team to support the service.
I remember one day, the situation became so overwhelming that I ran to the toilet almost in tears. I was so upset and I was praying and asking the Lord how am I supposed to cope with all of this, I am here 5 times a week so it is something I have to deal with almost every day. I really wished my colleague would change and stop trying to take over and control everything.
In that moment God opened my heart and I remember being impressed that I just have to submit.
What?
I have to stop rebelling and just surrender. The Lord was calling me to just submit to him.
Why?
I was given 3 reasons
- He’s a man
- He’s older than me
- He has been in this job for a number of years and has more experience and knowledge in this area.
This was a hard answer for me to take in as I knew that I just wanted my colleague to change, but I realised that I needed to change. Sometimes when we start a new job, ministry, project etc. We often come like we have arrived and often don’t want to humble ourselves and learn from those who have a bit more experience and foreknowledge than us. We trust too much in our own knowledge and experience and that becomes our ruler. I needed to change my approach to the situation and realise that I couldn’t win by fighting him. The Lord wanted me to understand the paradox that victory is through surrender.
From that day I started to change my approach, when he would tell me something I would listen and welcome his suggestions. When he would start taking over or would grab my mouse, I would let him and try and learn and observe what he was doing to resolve the issue.
God is so good as honestly, we now have the best working relationship ever! We both support each other in our roles, we share knowledge and also support each other in personal matters e.g If I need to leave work early last minute, he is happy to stay behind and cover me and vice versa. I don’t feel in anyway that he tries to take over and he doesn’t grab my mouse anymore :). Also I have found that he often asks for my suggestion and goes with decisions that I make. We have developed mutual respect for each other. I have also developed in my career and technical knowledge because of our interactions. It’s such a blessing to know that you can work with someone in a team and not clash or have to fight. I believe this blessing came from surrender. People may be asking “Well what about him?!?!” I can’t look at him or expect him to change his behaviour, that is out of my control but I can change my own behaviour and set the example as a Christian. It is powerful to see how my part alone and following God’s counsel has produced such positive results.
This experience has taught me so much about submission in a marriage and has changed my perspective. I used to view submission as control and total domination but now I view it as respect, protection, honour and trust. There are times when Samuel will tell me that I need to do “such and such” to resolve an issue and in my mind I am screaming, “This is not going to work!!!”, I go ahead and do it anyway, and it does work! I am seeing the wisdom of God in submission, and it is teaching me to learn to trust in the judgement of others, as I will not always have the right answer.
Just to reiterate, as I don’t want to be misunderstood, there are no romantic feelings here and our interactions do not go beyond working hours. I have grown to respect Samuel as an individual and as a professional and I want nothing but the best for him professionally and also that he may give his heart to Christ :). I just wanted to share this experience as I am thankful for the Lord’s leading in this area, and for his unfathomable wisdom in teaching me this great lesson and for making my working environment a pleasant place to be.
Victory is through surrender!
