Today is Chiawuotu and
Kimberley’s second year marriage anniversary, so to mark this occasion I
thought I would share an interview I conducted with them just after their first
year of marriage. Some of you may have read their courtship and wedding
story, if you haven’t read it please click here for their courtship story and
here and here for their wedding story. In this interview they will share some experience
from their first year of marriage.
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Husband’s perspective – Interview questions answered by
Chiawuotu Anyanwu
(Click here to read Kimberley’s answers)
First of all, Happy Anniversary, and thank you for taking the time to answer these questions.
I guess I’ll start with the question you probably get asked all the time, how are you finding married life?
Well I must say my first year of marriage has been as honey to my mouth and sunshine to my soul. The sweetest part is always having a friend in Jesus by my side. It’s been a blessing to have someone special to share my day with and work for Christ with. Someone special, to eat with, walk with, talk with, study with, socialise with and live with. My Bride from my side has certainly helped me heavenward, increased my love for God and increased my sphere of influence, so Praise God.
So marriage, is it all bliss?
I guess it depends what you mean by bliss. I look forward to coming home to my wife and I enjoy the loving atmosphere of heaven that God provides for us each day. However, unlike the castle building ideas some may have I would say marriage is not all romance. Married life has its large responsibilities. The daily work in the office, paying bills, meeting deadlines, supporting family relatives, studying the advancing light of the third angel’s message, ministering in word and song, personal goals, DIY, and helping with housework to name but a few and we don’t even have children yet… :) But when you’re faithful to your duties and always seek to please Christ first, spouse second and self-last, then I would say YES it is bliss, that is, it’s a great joy and a foretaste of heaven.
I’m thinking about 1 Corinthians 7: 34 where it says “There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”
Now a lot of people view this verse as saying that when you get married you won’t have much time to nurture a personal relationship with God or give service to him as you now have the added focus of a spouse.
What are your thoughts on this verse? And also how do you keep an eye single to the glory of God and still serve each other as husband and wife? How do you balance your time, priorities, walk with God, home and work life around being married or newly married?
Married life is different from single life because I have taken on responsibilities which before I was married I did not have. Some of these responsibilities are temporal in nature, however they have eternal consequences e.g. finding a home to live in (Matthew 7:26) providing for my family not only physically but spiritually (1 Timothy 5:8).In the bible marriage is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church (Matthew 25) and so for me personally since being married it has nurtured my relationship with God and helped me to better understand how to love, serve and give myself to Him, as I give myself to my wife daily. (Ephesians 5:25).A lot of people box separately their walk with Christ and their marriage. Although I have times to study, pray and meditate alone, I find my walk with Christ influences my marriage and my marriage influences my walk with Christ. My behaviour towards my wife everyday tests whether my intellectual reading and bible theory is an abiding experience in my heart and in my home or a false piety. In fact inspiration tells us, ‘The minister’s wife, his children and those who are employed as helpers in his family are best qualified to judge of his piety… Advent Home page 354. So if anything, marriage has been a blessing to help me to understand more about what it means to live to the glory of God in practice from day to day.
What sort of things have you learnt in marriage that you wished you had learnt before marriage?
Not sure really. I am glad I learnt the Lord’s truth for this time so I can know how best to guide and lead my family… I had always desired to learn a manual trade with my hands since coming to the faith should I need for any reason to depend on it for a living. God blessed me to learn one in our countryside home during our DIY exploring in the first year of marriage.
How have your priorities and responsibility changed since being married?
I am now a Priest, Provider and Protector of the home. My priorities are the happiness of my Saviour and my wife and the advancement of the third angel’s message (Revelation 14)
Ok, if we could look at Ephesians 5: 22-29. I just want to ask you some questions about these verses. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
So Chiawuotu, What has leadership meant for you as a husband? Specifically what do you think Paul means when he says “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word….” Ephesians 5: 25-26
Leadership is about service. As a house band I realise the importance of initiating how to help my wife with things in her day-to-day life, physically, emotionally and spiritually. How can I most help my wife I ask myself? And I find that I can always do more. Leadership also means sacrifice. Yielding up my own wishes to seek to please my wife, without compromising truth or principle. As Christ gave his life and time to save, elevate and enlighten me, I am to give my wife my time to love, elevate and influence her heavenward. It’s good to give flowers, cards or tangible gifts (which by the way, I love to do for my wife) but it’s harder to give yourself, yet that’s exactly what Jesus did. Genesis 22:8 ‘God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering.’ I’ve came to learn that the quality time spent together, though a sacrifice, is more valuable than all the tangible gifts that the world could offer. In a similar way Christ gave mankind 33 years of His time on this earth which culminated in the great sacrifice of Himself. Part of the quality time spent together is in beholding Him through His prophetic word as Christ did when he walked on this earth (Matthew 24:15). This is how I understand to be washed by his word. Grappling with the deep prophecies of Daniel and the Revelation together means we get bathed in Christ’s truth over and over again and so it helps to draw us in closer bonds of love to Christ and each other.
What advice would you give to young men and women who would like to know more about what submission and leadership really mean or who may have misconceptions about what these two things entail?
Learn of Christ the Alpha and Omega. Go to Gethsemane where the cup trembled in his hands as he breathed ‘not my will but thy will be done’. Go to Revelation where the ‘Mighty Angel,’ (Rev 10) that is Christ, leads us through ‘The advent movement of 1840-44 [which] was a glorious manifestation of the power of God; [and] the first angel’s message was carried to every missionary station in the world’ Great Controversy page 611. Some practical counsel would be if you have a mother or father do you listen to their admonitions? If you have spiritual counselors in your life do you take their Godly counsel? If you have a boss at work, do you follow instructions? If you read (and you should do) Ministry of Healing, Counsel on Diets and Foods, Adventist Home and many more of these inspired counsels from E.G White, do you listen to the admonitions?
I know that you both had your own ministerial pursuits in addition to your joint music ministry – Advent Vison. How have these changed, if at all, since being married?
‘The world is not so much in need of great minds as of good men who will be a blessing in their homes’ Adventist Home page 37 . My home is and has been my first field. We have not went to war in our first year (Deuteronomy 24:5) and our work has been largely personal. “Nothing can excuse the minister for neglecting the inner circle for the larger circle outside. The spiritual welfare of his family comes first…Great good done for others cannot cancel the debt that he owes to God to care for his own...’Adventist Home page 353 I still aspire for many things and through my wife God is helping me meet these goals more effectively than I could alone but just not always in the way I think. God’s ways are higher than ours.
Would you say that the ideals you had before marriage have been met in your current experience of marriage?
Yes. The counselling really helped to get a good well balanced insight/expectation.
What kind of “marriage myths” have been dispelled for you?
My marriage myths was that I needed to eat lunch at work each day. I have the privilege to eat with my wife for lunch each day.
What have you learnt about communication and dealing with conflict?
Regular communication is important. Malachi 3:16 ‘they that feared the LORD spoke often one to another.’ We spend time in the morning together talking, we text and call each other throughout the working day. We eat lunch at home each day and talk. We talk in the evenings and night J . Conflict is a choice that we chose to say no to. We sit down and talk and listen and pray about anything that may need more attention, care and communication.
A lot of people speak about “The First Year of Marriage” in term of how hard it is. They say things like “it’s the make or break”, “that’s when you get to see how the person is REALLY like” and “that’s when you realise that you may have rushed things or made a mistake.” What are your thoughts on these ideas based on your first year of marriage? What encouragement can you offer to any newlyweds who may be having this experience?
It’s certainly the ABC of marriage and a time for learning about the other person. Their likes and dislikes, their thoughts and feelings, their hopes and fears, their joys and sorrows, their strengths and weaknesses. Our nature is faulty by default but if we are born again God can beautify our soul and character. I’ve enjoyed seeing the beauty of Christ in new ways each day through my wife during this first year. These are the memories that I think upon and treasure.I would encourage newly weds to look for the good in the other.
What are the top 3 things you have learnt during this first year of marriage?
1. God ways are higher than our own ways
2. God’s counsels on marriage through Sister Ellen G White are inspired and spot on, so if you want a good marriage follow the counsel!
3. It is not good that man should be alone.
Finally, what advice would you give to any young newlyweds or any couple who are engaged and about to get married?
Understand the times in which we are living first, (1 Chronicles 12:32) as we are soon reach the Midnight Cry – (Matthew 25 and Christ Object Lessons page 412)Counsel with the Bible, the Spirit of Prophecy and God fearing counsellors like you would if your physical life depended upon it and DO NOT move forward if advised not to do so from these three counsellors.And finally remember ‘the Creator joined the hands of the holy pair in wedlock, saying, A man shall “leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one,” He enunciated the law of marriage for all the children of Adam to the close of time.’ Adventist Home page 340
Thank you one again for taking part in this interview, I pray that you have many more happy years of serving God together as husband and wife.
Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy,
and for thy truth's sake.
Psalms 115:1
♥ Miss Daisy ♥
